


I Used To  Be On Fire

by JezebelTheWicked



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Slight fluff, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 19:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16311245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JezebelTheWicked/pseuds/JezebelTheWicked
Summary: Just some good old fashioned Roman angst.





	I Used To  Be On Fire

**Author's Note:**

> First fic for the Sanders Sides fandom! Of course I had to do angst lol. Enjoy!

Roman sat in his room, thoughts blurring together as he stared at the carpet. 

_ Useless, stupid, horrible,  _ his mind chanted. He cringed, putting his hands over his ears in a futile attempt to get the intrusive thoughts to stop.

_ You can't  _ ever  _ do anything right. _

Roman let out a small sob, shaking. “Please stop.”

_ Why do you even bother? _

_ “Stop!”  _ he roared, picking up a small glass object from his desk and hurling it at the wall. It shattered, and he sank to the ground, trying desperately to keep his sobs in.

“Roman?” It was Logan, knocking on the door. Before he could try to open it, Roman flicked his wrist effortlessly, locking it. “What's going on?”

“Nothing.” He tried to keep his voice level.  _ It's fine, everything is fine,  _ he tried to reassure himself.

“Love?” Patton. Oh, sweet Patton, easily the most sweetest and kindest out of all of them.

“Everything is alright,” Roman said. He was trying to reassure himself, as well as the other sides, it seemed.  _ Yeah, right. _

“Don't lie.” Now Virgil was there, the one who would see through his bullshit the most easiest. “We heard something break and you sound like you're about to cry.”

Too late, Roman was already crying. “I'm fine, I'm- just- frustrated. You know how it's been.”

They did. Thomas had been going through a creative slump, worse than before. Roman was going between bouts of trying to come up with ideas for videos (most that were either recycled or just not  _ good  _ enough), or just sitting around in his room, in his own horrible creative slump. He had to always be the best, and now...

_ Useless, stupid, horrible. _

“That's not your fault, Ro!” Patton argued. The doorknob was jiggling.

Roman scoffed to himself. How wasn't it? He was  _ creativity  _ for heaven's sake! It was his job. A job he was failing at.

“Patton is absolutely correct, Roman. Whatever you or your thoughts are telling you- they're all falsehoods.” Virgil made a quiet noise of agreement.

Was that true? Maybe...

_ No,  _ he thought resolutely.  _ They're lying to you to make you feel better. Don't believe them. _

Nodding to himself, Roman said, “I wish to be alone now.”

“Roman-” Virgil started, his voice frantic, and Roman snapped.

“Go  _ away! Leave me alone now!”  _ he snarled, hurling another glass object at the door. There was a squeak of fright-  _ Patton, god, Pat I'm so sorry-  _ and footsteps scurried away. There was a sigh of sadness and disappointment- Logan- before another pair of footsteps left as well. Roman knew the last person there wouldn't be so easily deterred.

“Virge-,” he started, but Virgil cut him off.

“We love you. We all love you so goddamn much, Roman. And we're here for you. Always and forever.” Virgil's voice broke on the last word and Roman sobbed harder than before. Finally, his footsteps faded away as well and Roman was left alone with his thoughts.

_ Useless, stupid, horrible.  _ And finally, rather then try to stop the thoughts, Roman let them in. Welcomed them. Agreed with them.

_ Useless, stupid, horrible.  _ And now, one more:  _ alone. _

 

***

 

Or maybe not. 

Mere feet away, Virgil, Patton, and Logan sat patiently on the floor, waiting.

“What if he doesn't come out?” Patton whispered.

“Then we try again in a couple hours. And we'll keep trying. He has to believe us,” Virgil muttered determinedly. His hands worried the cuffs of his hoodie and wordlessly, Logan and Patton grabbed his hands so he could stop.

“He'll be okay,” Logan whispered, gently guiding Virgil's head to the crook of his neck to try and calm him. “We all will.”

Virgil could only nod his head and hope that he was right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Lemme know what you think. Follow me on twitter (@smyleyboi) and tumblr (@poisonous-lives)!


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